Yesterday I had a terrible day mentally, it all started with not fitting my summer clothes and spiraled very quickly after that and I even did indulge my self with some food, but I rationed myself to make myself feel better and I didn't go back for more. It seem silly that 1 thing can be a problem and at your weakest moment everything else bothering you for weeks comes flying out.
I guess thats life but after a few tears and a "feeling sorry for myself kind of a day"I came to some conclusions. I do need to start feeling more in control of my life and doing things for myself not just for my husband and son, to heal the "whole" me I need to heal the parts in me that are sad or broken and fix them and that includes my eating. I still don't feel I deserve to be the size I am and I don't believe my eating is the whole thing (I don't eat that much I really don't) but it must be and to heal I need to start wholeheartedly believing that.
For now I need to figure out how I can start making changes in my life too, things i am considering is a bike ride or walk after my husband gets home, a full time job (yes believe it or not a regular job does life my spirits). The past 4 months all I feel I have been utilized for is being a "volunteer" not that I am "volunteering, all this stuff is "mandatory" how the hell can you "mandatory Volunteer" - it beats me I have no clue, so as well as driving your very active kid to 14 hours of activities per week and all the volunteer work I am expected to do - there really does leave no time for me to do anything pleasurable except feel sad, bitter and alone.
That said, I am very good at giving myself a kick up the pants to get back on track and that I will do and the good thing is despite how sad and miserable I was I did only eat 1oz of salt and vinegar crisps (chips), it could have been a lot worse.
Now to focus and get back on track and wait for my email from laura
DAY 20 - Remember Where Impractical Thoughts About Food Come From (Five Seconds)
Another way to stop thinking about food when you're not hungry is to remember where impractical thoughts about food come from. If you're thinking about food when you're not hungry, that's the Child looking to have some fun. Just noticing this and not following these fantasies about food will eventually break this habit, and those thoughts will arise less and less. But don't be discouraged if, in the beginning, your noticing is still followed by eating. The pattern of following your thoughts into the kitchen may be very entrenched. Fortunately, if you're patient and vigilant, eventually noticing your fantasies about food will lead to ignoring them.
I still find myself thinking of food a lot, be it the food thought for preparation for dinner or just cause i am thinking what I can eat. My mind often wanders to food. Now let me be clear just because it wanders does not mean that I go eat, I don't but it would be nice if I didn't always think about food!!
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