Day 47 - Food log

As mentioned earlier I will be charting my food log on my ww ap for my iphone, it is the easiest thing for me to do!

here's hoping a the end of my travels I will not have gained weight and that I feel powerful from making good positive choices and not being weak and letting the child from within out!!

Day 46 - comitting to a plan

So committing to a plan is definitely the right next step for m, I feel I am learning a lot but still need to loose some weight.

I am sticking with the weight watchers program as it works well for me and I can make healthy choices!

Just before you travel is never a good time to start but I dont want to wait till I get back i can track my foods on my iphone and make sure I stay on track while I travel,

Just got to make sure I limit those alco-pops!!

I am in a really good groove with exercising and I have been enjoying it more than I thought possible so that is a good thing, i feel like my mid is strong and feeling positive!!

Day 45 - losing weight step 2

So Laura recommends the following

In the Skinny Thinking approach, I advocate changing your diet rather than going on a diet. Changing your diet means eating healthy food and managing portion size. You can either eyeball your portions (if you know what already know how much you can eat to either lose or maintain your weight) or count calories.

If you eat healthfully, the way you plan to eat for the rest of your life, and just cut back a few hundred calories per day, you will lose weight slowly and change your eating habits over a long period of time. This increases your chances of making these changes permanent rather than temporary. What's the hurry? You have the rest of your life to shed your excess weight. It's our impatience--the desire for a large, rapid weight loss--that's kicked us under the bus in the past. Don't go there this time!

Current research shows that losing weight the old fashioned way, by counting calories, works. It's a simple concept based on calories in and calories out. You decrease the food calories you take in until they are less than the calories you expend during the day. Remember, if you don't know about calories, pick up a pocket guide at the supermarket or simply search the internet for the calories of the food you want.

Then reduce your calorie intake below your daily maintenance requirement. Many website calculators will help you figure that out. I used:

http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm.

I am going to get back and try to "calorie count" and see how that takes me forward on the program.

I am reaching a vunlerable time, I am about to travel on vacation for 3 weeks and that is when I will be at my weakest, tired hungry and with peer pressure I crumble so I will need every reserve to ensure I stay on the program and not let my self go. This is a challenge but one I must win

Day 44 - weighing

Laura, talks about weighing yourself today, she recommends once a week, that is probably a good starting point.

I used to be obsessively weighing myself every day multiple times but now I have pretty much lost interest instead of weighing every day, I am weighing myself once a week.

I have not tried to cut out any calories, but probably should, but to start with i was just trying to control my eating and snacking.

Day 42 - hunger sensations

So today the challenge was to not eat till you are hungry ie getting body signs then wait 30 mins to 1 hr to see what happens,

Currently I held off having breakfast and my tummy started to rumble, I ignored it and now 45 mins later the hunger pains are lengthening, I am going now to eat some breakfast and i will feed back later

Record you experience of hunger. Compare the actual experience of hunger to your beliefs about it. Were your beliefs accurate? Was being hungry horribly uncomfortable?

Beliefs:

If I at a meal before I get the hunger pains then I will eat less at lunch and it will carry me through

Actual Experience: It showed I could wait till I had the pains and when i felt read feed myself with no more than I would have had earlier

day 41 - hunger

So we have been on this path for a few weeks now and I must admit the last few days I have been struggling a bit, a few added stresses and suddenly I am making the same old poor choices again.

Yes Mcdonalds and those Salt and vinegar crisps are indeed comforting me in the best way they know how - but giving me a few extra inches. I feel pathetic and week but the past 2 days I have been much better at portion sizes and I am back "meal planning" again.

So moving on

DAY 41 - Listing Your Fears and Beliefs About Hunger

1. What's the worst that will happen if you let yourself get hungry?

   I get bad tempered or agitated a little, I feel embarrassed as my stomach is making noises

2. What will happen to your body if you let it get hungry?

   I eat fast food, I binge eat, I feel regretful

   I try to stop myself by eating something little so counteract the hunger and then I dont act irrationally

day 39

I am managing to keep track and enjoy my food today.

It also forces me to take time for myself, out from the busy working day!!

Day 38 - eating when you are eating??

DAYS 38 Eating When You're Eating - that sounds confusing!!!

It isnt really what Laura talks about is making sure when you eat you are focusing 100% on what you are doing, how you look a the food chew the food and mostly enjoy the food.

I used to gulp down food and hardly get any pleasure in it, now I am definitely savoring it more and I must admit finding pleasure in foods I used to avoid!!

Day 37 - portion sizes

Today laura is talking about portion sizes !

This is huge for me because I really believe a lot of my problems stem from large portions

Portion size. Become aware of how much food you're putting on your plate. Is it a reasonable amount? Many of us are used to eating portions that are much larger than we need. Here are some rules of thumb:

• A normal portion of protein is the size of your closed fist.

• Fill your plate this way:

• One quarter of your plate for protein,

• One quarter of your plate for grains, and

• Half of your plate for vegetables.

For Breakfast:

• Did you eat reasonable portion size of protein? YES

• Did you eat a reasonable size of fruits or vegetables?_YES fruit

• Did you eat a reasonable portion of grains?_NO

For Lunch:

• Did you eat reasonable portion size of protein?_yEs

• Did you eat a reasonable size of vegetables?_no

• Did you eat a reasonable portion of grains?__yes_

For Dinner:

• Did you eat reasonable portion size of protein?__yes

• Did you eat a reasonable size of vegetables?___no

• Did you eat a reasonable portion of grains?___yes

  
  

  I definitely need to focus on getting more veggies into me, I am always a little reluctant with that and I have started eating off smaller plates!!

  
  

Day 36 - bringing awareness

So laura suggests bringing awareness to your food and finding out exactly what food means to you!

She suggests the following

1. Ask for help. Set the intention and ask for help in bringing awareness to your eating. Be prepared for insights to arise. When they do write them down in the space below.

   
   

   I ask for help but then get bad tempered if I am doing something naughty as I feel like I have "been caught out like a cheating naughty school girl"

   I continue to remind my family to make a sign if they think I am making poor choices!

2. As you go through your day, notice your eating triggers and record them in the space below. How does eating happen for you? How do you decide when and what to eat? Start to notice your eating triggers. What are the emotions and thoughts that send you racing toward the fridge? When you're bored, is your first impulse to get some food? Your thoughts. What are you thinking about? Are you anxious about paying your bills? Are you replaying an uncomfortable conversation from earlier in the day? Your feelings. What are you feeling? Are you stressed, anxious, angry, or fearful? Does the life you're living suit you? Are you doing what you love to do? If your overall choices aren't right for you, you're going to feel depressed, and that depression will fuel your food issues.

   
   

   Stress, tiredness and boredom are definitely my triggers

3. Appreciate yourself for completing this exercise.

   
   

   I appreciate still being here 36 days later

Day 35 - nibbling

OK, so i am a nibbler - sometimes,

I can if I dont take 1 thing resist quite easily but as soon as I give in i cant stop. Yesterday and today I have been particularly bad.

Here is Laura's suggestions

There's an unspoken rule that "nibbling calories" don't count. You can eat a lot of food when you're not paying attention.

One of the tricks of the Pleasure-Seeking Child is the belief that if you're not paying attention, it doesn't count. It's denial. But to the body, it counts. The body notices, and to it, nibbling calories count like any others.

I got into the habit of eating and talking on the phone or cooking. I spend a lot of time on the phone for work, and since I work from home and do most of the cooking in our family, I'm constantly in the kitchen, I'm always on the phone, and I'm always cooking.

The other thing about nibbling was that it robbed me of eating pleasure! Because my attention was elsewhere, I couldn't completely enjoy the food or focus on my phone conversation or cooking because my attention was divided, and that was unsatisfying. To overcome this habit, I had to make a rule: nibbling and cooking, and nibbling and the phone don't go together.

I also decided to eat only when I was sitting down and put my food on a plate. At first, being used to nibbling, I would constantly catch myself reaching for a bite. Sometimes I would catch myself before the nibble crossed my lips and sometimes not. Slowly but surely, the old habit gave way to the new one.

Today, make a pact with yourself not to nibble. Any time you want to eat something, park your rear end in a chair and put the food on a plate. Continue you this non-nibbling practice for life.

Checklist

• I didn't nibble today.

• I put all my food on a plate and ate sitting down.

• I wasn't able to avoid nibbling so I tried again the next day and the next day after that until I was able to go an entire day without nibbling.

Day 34 - Slowing down!!

DAY 34 - Slowing Down

So eating food fast is always a problem for me so todays session is very relevant. I know I eat to quickly and i know I dont chew my food but to I concentrate - NO!!

I really need to focus on this and make mealtimes a special time not a rush job that I have no time for, below laura suggests some steps, I will start tonight to put them into practice!!

Checklist

• I put my fork down in between bites.

• I put my fork down for at least a minute at least twice during the meal. Instead I focused on the conversation at the table. I listened to someone else without taking up the slack by eating.

• I got up and walked around to create a break in my eating action.

• I chewed my drink.

• I drank my food.

• Congratulate yourself for making a change in your routine.

  
  

Day 33 Summary

Making it through the first step has not been too hard but that doesn't mean I haven't slipped up once in a while, but I can assure you my days (so far) of binge eating salt and vinegar crisps and Mcdonalds mini meals are long gone!

I have not yet got bored and i am currently for breakfast having some nice fruit before I head out to the zoo!!

Keeping myself occupied has been an important factor in stopping me eating and in a strange way, doing this progam has also encouraged me to look into myself and try and "heal" my broken parts - ie the parts that cause the emotion to eat!!

To Do List

Color the tasks you've completed:

• I created a list of Pleasure Foods.

• I asked myself the following questions about each one:

• Does the prospect of eating this food make me feel giddy?

• Does it have little or no nutritional value?

• Can I stop eating this? Am I satisfied with eating one bite or does this food always leave me wanting more?

• Do I feel out of control around it?

• If I answered "yes" to any of those questions, I limited or eliminated the food.

• I handled food addictions by either:

• Finding a strategy I could stick to, or

• Eliminating the food for good.

• I limited or eliminated a junk food.

• I limited or eliminated most junk food.

• I made a list of foods that are no longer in my life.

• Most of my calories now come from healthy, nutritious, whole foods that are grown.

day 32 - moving on

I am really trying to change everything about the way I look at food.

I was at a party yesterday and I just went to the food table once - no popping back and forth for new things - its a start!! I am normally hopeless at that.

I did have to ask my family to try and stop me if I approached the table too often - or basically if I was hanging out at the table the whole time.

I skipped the alcohol and I swam!!

Now I am headed out to try and run - first time since I got sick - then to build our new trampoline

Day 31 - Inquiry (again)

So laura wants us to inquire about the beliefs again we have in foods but to be honest i don't have any.

I know the foods I eat are bad for me and am not dreaming but I am talking for these days about my thinking behind my action.

Yesterday i talked about me believing that after I have done a run, or something good such as eating right I deserved a treat - like a burger or fries etc etc.

Today I am talking about how I believe salt and vinegar crisps (chips - yes they are my obsession), cheer me up when I am down.

Did you really think there was a little person in there and every time I eat a crisp he does a little dance - if only.

The only thing that happens to me when i eat salt and vinegar chips is get an upset stomach - pain and diarrhoea and gain weigh. Not so funny and comforting now is it!!

I have set myself a challenge this week. My family have been moaning as I have not bought them "treat food" and despite me trying to get them to follow the plan too, they dont want to so I bought them treat including my favourite crisps. So lets see if I can resist them.

If I pass, I will book myself into Stellar Spa for a lovely hot stone Massage!!

Day 30 Inquiry

Rather than a fod I decided to inquire about a "belief or more correctly an "action"

List a Disturbing Belief About an action that you would do before the program

If you eat healthy foods you get to treat yourself to fatty foods

1. Can I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is true?_This is untrue

2. What is the opposite of this belief? Do dont reward yourself with food treats

Could this new belief be as true or truer than your original belief? What is your evidence? List three reasons or pieces of evidence for this:

This is pretty obvious, celebrate your good eating but treat yourself with some alone time, a walk, massage or go on - give yourself a pat on the back

Day 29 - negative belief's

DAY 29 - Uncovering Negative Beliefs About Eating Mostly Nutritious Foods

• I feel L let people down if I don't eat the food they offer

What It Means to Others (Friends, Family, Colleagues)

• Others will judge me as:

• A party pooper--no fun to be around

• Jealous

My friends/family generally do not say negative things too me, occasionally they will encourage me to disregard the program I am on (go on treat yourself ) they are trying to encourage the child to come out. Also occasionally they will say I am a party pooper but I just ignore that cause they don't mean it nastily!!

What It Means About How I Live My Life

My eating for me is that

• I'll be miserable living without the pleasure I get from my favorite foods.

• I won't have any pleasure in my life.

• I'll stop socializing because people will be uncomfortable that I'm no longer using eating as entertainment.

  
  

  I have seen food as pleasure and until I am comfortable with my food choices I will try to avoid using food as entertainment more than once a week.

  Negative Beliefs About Eating Mostly Nutritious Foods

  What It Means About My Character

  It shows me I am weak as I make poor eating choices when under pressure

  
  
  

  What It Means About How this Body Processes Food

  My body holds tight onto all the bad food I eat making me fat, if I was taller I wouldnt be so fat (or so I thought)
  
  

  What It Means to Others (family, friends, colleagues). How Do I Think They're Judging Me?

  I think people see me as fat, greedy and a huge over eater - but are they really saying that - I do not think so!

  
  
  

  What It Means About How I Live My Life

  MY negative choices in food make me miserable and I have to change what I am doing
  
  

  What It Means About My Ability to Be in Relationships

  I am a determined person and my relationship suffers only in the fact I don't like eating out as much and want to eat at home more. I used to be a little moody about my food choices but now I am actually feeling like i have been "freed" to make the right choices

  
  

Day 28 - To Moderate or Eliminate - that is the question

so this subject is the one I have been dreading

DAY 28 - Foods to Moderate or Eliminate (Five Minutes)

1. Decide which foods to moderate (make a rule about that you can stick to)

This is tricky because you have to be "honest" but also by moderating can I ensure it remains "moderated"

2. Eliminate foods you haven't been able to moderate.

Salt and Vinegar Chips/crisps

Pizza

3. Create a rule for a food that you want to moderate

No more than once a week for french fries

4. Actually eliminate a food (or two or three). Trust me. You can do this and you'll be amazed how easy it is and feel compelled to thank me and send me expensive gifts afterwards!

Chips (not including tortilla chips)

Pizza

Chocolate

white bread

Baguette

Day 27

Still going strong, haven't weakened too much, ate some salt and vinegar chips today as a "treat" ended up with intense abdominal cramps and frequent toilet visits.

My clothes are fitting well, I have been able to not take in too much alcohol either - yippee

Wish I could do more exercise but my head is still so congested and painful, I managed some push up's and sit ups and 2 short walks.

baby steps every little helps. Feels like ages since I went to Mc Donalds and ate something - well done ME!!

I am also trying to figure out other things in my life that make me unhappy and try to fix them, when i am happy my eating is always happy!!

Day 26 Identifying the voices of critic and child

today Laura is taking about 2 things,

The child - who convinces you that it is ok to eat all those lovely foods you dream of and tells you how much you deserve it, it wont hurt you go on!!

The Critic - tells you how awful you have been when you over eat, gain weight, you will remain lonely and fat

What we need to realize is that during this process of relearning both of the instances above will appear. This weekend for me was a prime example of just that. I had 2 birthday parties one on saturday and one on sunday, the saturday one I was eating chips and dip - they were yummy (now I knew I shouldn't do this but I would definitely not eat the pizza), however the parents ordered a lot of pizza - I felt guilty I was not eating so i ate a slice. I felt bad I hated myself for letting myself down - what a disappointment I am to myself all my hard work. Well I wanted to do better on the sunday party! I have so much determination but around food I can crumble on the sunday I decided to just eat the one slice of pizza and that is what i did. No cake no snacks no alcohol. So although I ate something hardly good for you I negotiated with myself that slice of pizza was my lunch and I had nothing else!

I am no hero, at times I am a bit of a failure but I always know there is room for improvement!! I am trying very hard and know the decisions at the birthday parties will also become easier to resist without that "guilt" feeling

Day 25 - list your comfort foods

If you have been reading my blog from the beginning you know that I struggle with the following foods I use as comfort foods

Salt and Vinegar crisps,

Mc Donalds Cheese burgers

Mc Donalds fries

Anyone else's fries

wine

and when I am at a party I find it hard to say no to any type of food even when I don't even like what is offered.

day 24 - reviewing what we have learned

Today was a review session about what we have learned and how to control our eating.

I have been incredible good at following the program the past few weeks but I did lapse a little today after work and it was at a party so that is something i need to work on - lets see if I can do better at tomorrow's party.

I am back feeling poorly again and that is very disapointing, i really hope I feel better fully soon, the sun is here and it is shorts and bikini weather!!

Day 23 -

Today I read about the chance of backsliding and yo yo dieting, having been there i really hope not to do too much back sliding but some slip ups are to be expected at times.

I really want to be done with the yo yo dieting,

My health depends on me making positive changes, I do not ant to have type 2 diabetes diagnosed in the next 5 - 10 years, I want to beat those odds honestly with a good diet and exercise regime.

A little hard work never killed anyone and when i set my mind to something I can achieve it.

Having been sick it is hard to tell if my lack of interest in food is due to me being ill or really because I have cut down my intake, no snacking for me - hurray!! I guess only time will tell.

Another weekend approaches and that is my worst time, but i have already bought my 2 salads for saturday and sunday so I just have to make sure I eat them and do not revert to junk fast food!!

Day 22 - Uncovering your relationship with food

DAY 22 - Uncovering Your Relationship with Food (30 Seconds)

Here are some common ways to view food.

Highlight the role(s) that food plays in your life:

I see food as...

• Reward

• Entertainment

• Fulfillment

• Excitement

• Enemy

• Temptation

• Lover

• Companion

• Loyal best friend

Food has come to mean so much more than fuel that keeps our body running. Unconsciously, we imbue food with the power to fill many physical and emotional needs. It becomes our savior, nurturer, friend, and lover, who is always available, never lets us down, never puts us down, and never says no. Epitomizing fidelity, no matter what is happening in our lives, whether we feel on top of the world or down in the dumps, food is there to keep us company. For the fleeting moment it spends in our mouth, our favorite food always delivers.

I need to stop seeing food as a the above purple highlighted areas and start seeing it as a means of fuel, as i have said before, I am making big changes but at the moment it is still very 'concious" hopefully over time those decisions will become more "normal" for me!

Wednesday June 2nd (day 21) STOP ROMANCING and Dieting

I have really been focusing on my new program as a way of life and NOT as a diet, Laura highlights this in todays thought!! Ways that I think I have been acting is - not weighing myself every 5 minutes, not telling people I am dieting, thinking about my choices and trying to learn from my mistakes.

I have done the diet thing and I know it is a short term cure, I need to heal my whole body and mental thinking and all the bad habits I have been doing for the past 20 years. One good thought is I have been able to resist Mc Donalds, cant remember the last time I was in the restaurant and although my family ate it last night i only pinched about 10 fries! THAT IS HUGE FOR ME (we all have our individual vices and Mc D's is mine)

So here is our thought for today

DAY 21 - Practice Eliminating Romantic Thinking and Going on a Thought Diet (Five Seconds)

Relating to food by romanticizing it is one of the reasons we have issues with our weight. We can change this dysfunctional relationship with food by learning to think about it in a different way, and that is to not think about it or think about it pragmatically. Being pragmatic about food means using the mind to decide what to have for lunch based on what and how much the body needs nutritionally. That's how the Wise Witness uses the mind to think about food.

This is radically different from how the egoic mind (the mind that's run by conditioning and the Child) thinks about it. The ego's thoughts are imbued with romance, fantasies, dreams, imaginings, and feelings about food.

Thinking about food in a romantic way may have become so ingrained that we aren't even aware of it. This is a big part of the problem. Once we see this, we can take the next step: not imagining what a food would taste like and not thinking about food romantically anymore. If we stop thinking about food romantically, our relationship with food will change and so will our weight.

I definitely have craved and romanticized about food and then treated me to a special food for doing something good or having a hard day. I am not doing that now haven't in a while (at least 21 days), continuing to see this as an amazing personal development! It is definitely getting easier to resist the foods I should not be eating and I am openly discussing my feelings about food with my husband and son!

Tuesday June 1st - Moaning Tuesday, day 20

Yesterday I had a terrible day mentally, it all started with not fitting my summer clothes and spiraled very quickly after that and I even did indulge my self with some food, but I rationed myself to make myself feel better and I didn't go back for more. It seem silly that 1 thing can be a problem and at your weakest moment everything else bothering you for weeks comes flying out.

I guess thats life but after a few tears and a "feeling sorry for myself kind of a day"I came to some conclusions. I do need to start feeling more in control of my life and doing things for myself not just for my husband and son, to heal the "whole" me I need to heal the parts in me that are sad or broken and fix them and that includes my eating. I still don't feel I deserve to be the size I am and I don't believe my eating is the whole thing (I don't eat that much I really don't) but it must be and to heal I need to start wholeheartedly believing that.

For now I need to figure out how I can start making changes in my life too, things i am considering is a bike ride or walk after my husband gets home, a full time job (yes believe it or not a regular job does life my spirits). The past 4 months all I feel I have been utilized for is being a "volunteer" not that I am "volunteering, all this stuff is "mandatory" how the hell can you "mandatory Volunteer" - it beats me I have no clue, so as well as driving your very active kid to 14 hours of activities per week and all the volunteer work I am expected to do - there really does leave no time for me to do anything pleasurable except feel sad, bitter and alone.

That said, I am very good at giving myself a kick up the pants to get back on track and that I will do and the good thing is despite how sad and miserable I was I did only eat 1oz of salt and vinegar crisps (chips), it could have been a lot worse.

Now to focus and get back on track and wait for my email from laura

DAY 20 - Remember Where Impractical Thoughts About Food Come From (Five Seconds)

Another way to stop thinking about food when you're not hungry is to remember where impractical thoughts about food come from. If you're thinking about food when you're not hungry, that's the Child looking to have some fun. Just noticing this and not following these fantasies about food will eventually break this habit, and those thoughts will arise less and less. But don't be discouraged if, in the beginning, your noticing is still followed by eating. The pattern of following your thoughts into the kitchen may be very entrenched. Fortunately, if you're patient and vigilant, eventually noticing your fantasies about food will lead to ignoring them.

I still find myself thinking of food a lot, be it the food thought for preparation for dinner or just cause i am thinking what I can eat. My mind often wanders to food. Now let me be clear just because it wanders does not mean that I go eat, I don't but it would be nice if I didn't always think about food!!