Day 50

DAY 50 - Letting Go of "Shoulds" and Other Arguments with Reality (Five Minutes)

Whenever we're upset about what's happening, we're arguing with reality. Life in the form of a particular situation has already happened. It's a fact, and there's nothing we can do about it. Byron Katie says, "When we fight with life we lose, but only 100% of the time!" Our resistance to life is created by the thought, "This shouldn't be happening." This is the most common way that we cause our own suffering.

Whenever we're irritated by a situation--we're waiting in a traffic jam or someone breaks a promise--the mind tends to jump in and proclaim that this or thatshould be different: "Thereshould be more staff on the cash registers so that people don't have to wait for such a long time." "They shouldn't make a promise they can't keep." "They should have known better." "This slow car in front of me should go faster."

Notice what happens when you use the word "should." There's an immediate contraction in your body because you're resisting life, and that doesn't feel good. Your perspective narrows down to one aspect of life, the tiny sliver of the truth about a situation that's right in front of you, and you miss the whole picture, the whole truth. Seeing only the reasons why things should be different, you don't consider the possible benefits of the situation.

When we're standing in a long checkout line at the supermarket, we don't consider the possibility that the time spent waiting gives us an opportunity for quiet contemplation. The broken promise gives us a chance to learn discernment: seeing whom we can depend on. By remembering how it felt when we made a promise that we didn't keep, we're able to sidestep judgment and learn compassion and forgiveness instead. When you come face to face with an unwanted situation:

1. Look at the potential benefit that comes with this new development. You don't have to jump right into the downside or what you thinkshould be happening instead, as you might have done in the past. Considering the benefit eliminates the reaction altogether. It may take a lot of practice to get to this point. After all, you've had many years of arguing with reality.

2. Recognize that your conditioning is coming up and say, "Oh that's just my conditioning coming up." This noticing helps you dis-identify with your negative story and let it go. If you're quick enough, you'll notice and dis-identify with it before any reaction is felt in your body!

3. If you miss your chance in #2, notice and acknowledge that you've been triggered. You can say something like, "Wow, I've really been triggered" or "I'm really in reaction." Noticing and telling yourself the truth brings you back to the present moment and takes you out of the story your mind is telling you about the situation. It extracts you from the argument you are having with life and enables you to bring your attention to the sensations in your body.

4. Be gentle with yourself and let it be okay that you're in reaction. Ironically, this will move you into acceptance! Once you're in acceptance, no matter where you find it, even if you find it in accepting your own resistance, this will take you back to Essence!

   
   

   THe above statements take time to think about I am trying hard not to use food as a way out when stressed or angry but the past week that has not been the case, or at least I have not been able to control it.

   
   

   I need to be better, I need to be firm with a food log and I need to stop nibbliing

   
   

   I have managed to stop myself eating at parties and hovering over the dinner table.

   
   

   So that is good!!

I will be traveling from today but will update when I can!!

Day 49

Chapter Summary

• Many of us go "zombie" when we're eating.

• Nibbling calories count.

• Nibbling while doing other things is not very satisfying because you can't fully experience eating or whatever else you're doing because your attention is divided.

• Most people have a skewed idea about the size of the portion they can eat and still remain at their desired weight.

• The "jeans test" is unreliable.

• The bathroom scale is your friend again.

• Hunger is your friend.

• If people let themselves get hunger a few times every day, it would end the obesity problem in this country.

• Hunger is not a reliable gauge for when to stop eating.

• Any diet will work as long as you are consuming fewer calories than you're using.

To Do List

Check off any tasks you've been able to complete. Remember, you don't have to be perfect at these tasks before checking the boxes. Tick them off the list if you've made some strides or attempts. Even if you've only practiced something once, tick it. Remember, these behaviors are new and may take quite a long time to take hold. You've reinforced your old habits for years, so be gentle and patient with yourself as you establish new behaviors.

• I was able to just eat rather than doing other things at the same time.

• I sat down to eat.

• I avoided nibbling.

• I put my fork down in between bites or walked around during a meal to interrupt my automatic food shoveling.

• I used the Food Log to plan. I wrote down my food for the next day.

• Using the Food Log, I checked the foods that I actually ate and added any additional foods that I hadn't planned on eating (including nibbles).

• If I deviated from the plan, I didn't beat myself up.

• I controlled my portion sizes.

• I've been weighing myself regularly to help me manage my weight.

• I wrote down my fears about hunger and took them to inquiry.

• I've been waiting until my tummy is talking to me before eating.

• I would like to lose weight, and I have been cutting out 500 calories per day.
  

  
  

  So I need to focus on the steps above which is unhighlighted and even though I am going on vacation, I need to stay in control! This is hard.