Monday May 31st - Getting Engaged!

So Laura has been talking about "getting engaged" for todays 5 minute thoughtDAY 19 - Get Engaged in What You're Doing (Five Seconds)Have you ever noticed that you don't tend to get hungry when you're busy, and then, when you start thinking about food, suddenly you want it? There's a fundamental relationship between thinking about food and eating. When we're craving food even when we aren't hungry, it's likely that we're bored or trying to avoid something we don't want to do. We're probably looking for a way to distract ourselves from the resistance we're feeling and the negative, or stressful, thoughts that go along with that. These thoughts create uncomfortable feelings and rather than sit with these feelings until they dissipate, we often head to the refrigerator to try change our experience. Yet, when something happens that needs our immediate attention, food is the farthest thing from our mind. If our house is on fire, trust me, you won't be thinking about eating the leftover pizza.

This is exactly what I was doing this morning, I have been tidying up the house (isnt it amazing how trashed it becomes when you are not there to pick up and tidy after everyone) and I had banana's go brown so i made banana muffins for breakfast.

I certainly havent thought about food at all, I have thought about lying down as I am exhausted but the tidying keeps me going - nearly done.

Today has been a hard day as I wrestle with my clothes trying to find something to fit, unfortunately a sad reality of my winter eating habits. I know sitting crying doesn't help but I feel so frustrated at times and so utterly disappointed in my self, I have been unhappy for so long now I hardly remember a day when I just enjoyed myself and my size is a result of all those issues in my head. I really hope next summer I am not dealing with the same demons, I am done already!!

Diversion for me is a great way of keeping me away from food and staying out the house or working are ways of doing that!!

Happy Mermorial day - go do something engaging

Day 18 - Feed ME (your soul not your stomach)

So today I share with you some news, yesterday for the first time ever I had a burger - with no bun and no fries - is that possible?? It is with some skinny thinking and clever choices!

I ate a lovely gourmet burger with healthy toppings such as raw cucumber and pineapple and deliberately chopped it slowly so I could savour every bite, and I did enjoy it. My appetite hasnt been good since got sick but that is a good start with making a choice but trying to put a skinny thinking twist to it.

I also stepped on that scale and I am down 2lb which isnt a huge amount but I am happy with that but I am down an amazing 5 inches from my waist - now that is something I am very happy with, changing the size of me is far more important than numbers on a scale.

So as you can see I am trying to make some skinny thinking changes for real, I am indeed carrying the thought with me at all times, but hopefully over time my decisions will be subconscious rather than a compromise, I did not miss that bun or those fries yesterday so to me, that was a great WIN!

Have you done anything lately to make yourself feel empowered??

So onto todays lesson from Laura

DAY 18 - Feeding Your Soul Instead of Your Stomach (Five Minutes)

Just because feelings and thoughts enter our awareness, doesn't mean we have to act on them--we can just notice them. This is freedom. Being aware of thoughts and feelings, rather than identifying with them and acting on them, is a huge leap forward in making peace with eating, weight, and our bodies. Yet, if we're giving up our current egoic relationship with food, going to food for comfort to avoid experiencing uncomfortable feelings, we need a new relationship with something else to replace it. Where will we find comfort, pleasure, and relief? How do we do this? It's simple. We begin to feed our souls more by forming a relationship with something that's always available to us and infinitely more satisfying--our true self.

We're always being fed from our deepest self. Recognizing and acknowledging this helps us to heal and grow. When an unpleasant emotion arises, notice it, allow it to be, and then ask to receive insights and healing. Ultimately, freedom from any issues we have around food is about becoming more established in our true self. To do that, we need to be quiet, listen, and not be in a lifestyle that's so busy and stressful that we're constantly getting lost in thoughts, emotions, and doing.

If you're not physically hungry, but you feel the urge to experience some pleasure from food, and you don't want to follow that urge, you can move into the heart. Try the following exercise to move from your head to your heart:

Exercise:Imagine yourself moving from your head (the ego's world of thoughts, emotions, and cravings) into the space of the heart (the world of Essence). You are floating downward into a delicious, peaceful, joyous space of freedom: the velvety black cave of the heart. It is a restful place of ease, where nothing is required of you, a place free from the stresses and problems of daily life. Simply rest there for 5-10 minutes and recharge your batteries. Pick a certain time each day to devote to this practice.

I have also taken up reading and crocheting to stop me feeding my stomach

Day 17 - Mental kung fu

Laura suggests finding a couple of kung fu's and work on them to "resist temptation" she also suggests practicing and remember it took her nearly a year to combat her cravings,

For me the ones that "stick out" as favourites are "Am I hungry - the cottage cheese test" Kung fu #18 - for me stopping and thinking about that often counteracts some of my bad behaviour

#14 Inquire - why are you upset, figure the problem rather than reach for food

and for everything I do support the never even try one philosophy and KEEP out of the kitchen!!

I peeked into my suitcase full of my "thin person clothes" they are so lovely i can't wait to wear them again!

Day 16

So we are at day 16, yesterday I was chatting with my friends in the playground and I started talking about the skinny thinking philosophy. I described how difficult it was to control my eating with things such and Mcdonalds and bags of chips, I have no problem resisiting cheeses/desserts and I don't hit any other fast food joints.

I must admit I got quite jealous as one person said they would eat a whole bag of chip - this person is tall and very skinny - why couldn't that be me, why are my genes the way they are, it is frustrating at times, how can we complain about the same thing but yet have totally different bodies. Having yoyo dieted in the past and now with Skinny thinking I am really beginning to learn a lot about my body and discovering that it doesn't need half as much to eat than I think it does, again I am still sick and have virtually eaten nothing for days but I am certainly not wasting away and haven't even had the urge to eat from signs like a rumbling tummy!! If you took a peek into my fridge now and remember what was in there 18 days ago, there are changes, more fresh vegetables and fruit as now if I want to snack I snack on a carrot or some edenames, and for lunch or dinner I add some fresh berries to my salad. So what i am trying to say is making small changes can make a big deal of difference in ways you never imagine, I was not subconsciously shopping for those things, I just bought them unconsciously and have been changing my diet little by little - hopefully for the better!!

Here are some more Kung fu's

Powerful Kung Fu #16: Not Now--Maybe Later

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Recognize that the Child is on the scene and talk to her the way you would talk to a child who is pestering you about getting something that you don't want to give her right now. Tell her, "Not now--maybe later."

Powerful Kung Fu #17: Just This Once...

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Rather than treading the well-worn path of self-soothing through food, try something different just this once. Don't give in to the usual urge--for now. You can always decide to do that later, if that's what you want, but for now, move out of the kitchen.

Powerful Kung Fu #18: Am I Hungry?
(The Cottage Cheese Test)

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Ask yourself if you are physically hungry. This is different than just wanting to taste something nice. One of my workshop participants uses what she calls "the cottage cheese test." She likes cottage cheese, but the only time she actually wants to eat it is when she's truly hungry. If she could eat cottage cheese, she knows she's hungry. If she couldn't eat cottage cheese and she wants to eat something, she knows that she's not physically hungry and something else is going on. If you answer no when you ask yourself if you're physically hungry, ask yourself, "What's going on that's causing me to want to move toward food when I'm not hungry?"

Powerful Kung Fu #19: Seeing the Benefit

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. When something is happening that you didn't anticipate or don't like, ask yourself if any good could come of it. Does it bring a new opportunity for growth? Can I bust a misperception or glean a truth that I'd overlooked? Even though this situation doesn't fit my picture of what I thought I wanted, how can I use it to create more freedom and happiness?

There is an opportunity in every apparent misfortune. Life is here to serve our freedom and help us deepen in love. Our job is to pay attention. If we can live from this understanding about life and look for benefit and opportunity in every circumstance, not only will we be happier, but shift out of egoic consciousness and abide in our natural state of freedom and joy. If we're unhappy with how life is unfolding, it just means that we haven't seen the opportunity yet. So take a moment to contemplate. What is the benefit in this situation? What give does it have to offer me?

Powerful Kung Fu #20: "I AM" Breathing

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. I AM Breathin

Day 15 -

I must admit that I thought by now I would be lapsing back to my old way of eating. Since starting the 91 day challenge, I have not weighed myself and only had a few minor lapses!

I am choosing not to see this as a diet but as a way of life which is why i am not obsessing over the scales 100 times a day! I also don't think I have lost any weight but if I stick to the regime, I believe my body will become healthier and i will eventually loose some size. I need to stick with this and see it through!

I know I can, I am sure I can, I am ready to see some positive changes in my attitude towards food as my friend!

Day 14 - The 3rd king fu's

So still not feeling very well, but last night was interesting, I awakened and went to get a drink and reached for and ate 2 cherry tomatoes that was my reflext, normally it would be chips or m & m's

well done me!!

Today read the next seven Kung Fu. As you read, imagine putting each one into practice when a food craving or emotional eating attack strikes. Notice if any of them speak to you and circle it.

Powerful Kung Fu #11: Pick a "9" or "10"

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Pick a "9" or "10" from your Pleasure Scale list. Take a break from whatever was causing your hand to reach for food and do something you love instead.

Powerful Kung Fu #12: I Do that, Too

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. If you're angry or feel hurt because someone did something you didn't like, remember a time that you did or said the same sort of thing and forgive that person. It's hard to stay angry at someone when we find the same failing in ourselves. To keep yourself from stuffing the feeling with food and heal instead, see your own failing, and forgive yourself and the other person.

Powerful Kung Fu #13: Dis-identify with the Stressful Thought

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Ask yourself, "What stressful thought am I believing right now?" or "What story am I in?" Wait for the answer.

3. When the answer comes, ask yourself, "What is noticing this belief?" This is a powerful question because it helps you dis-identify with the thought.

4. Say to yourself, "Oh, thank goodness, it's just a stressful belief--it's not me. It couldn't be me because I'm over here, noticing it."
   
   

Powerful Kung Fu #14: Inquire

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Notice that you're upset and address the upset directly using inquiry. Do this by asking yourself, "What story am I telling myself that's causing me to feel this way right now? What am I believing?"

3. When you discover the belief, take it to inquiry by asking the following questions:

• Can I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this belief is true? Even if you believe that it's true, go on to the next question.

• What is the opposite of this belief? Could that be as true or truer? Come up with evidence to support the opposite belief. If the opposite of the belief is also true, perhaps the original negative belief isn't true after all! This discovery helps you to stop believing the stressful thought.

Powerful Kung Fu #15: Think Something Positive Instead

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Replace the negative thought that's generating the feeling with a positive one. For example, replace "Nothing's going right today." with "Everything's going right today." Then come up with evidence to support the positive thought. This kung fu can be a bit of a slippery slope because it does keep you in the realm of thought, and when you're in thought, it's easy to go back to spinning a negative story and feeding the feeling again.

So I have continued to feel very poorly so am actually managing to resist food very well, with no appetite, i usually just end up eating a ton of food for that feeling to "feel better' but working through the skinny thinking book this has helped me to realise that my healing will not happen from eating fast food or anything to give me that "comfort feeling"

So my comfort feeling is from a movie or from the duvet that i snuggle up with....

Day 13 - the second lot of Kung fu's

So how is everything going for me now we are at day 13, wow that is almost 2 weeks.

well the past 4 days I have been really sick but also I have not been reaching for that snack comfort food which i usually do when i am ill but instead just keeping hydrated.

I was disappointed as i wanted to try out my will power at a couple of parties this weekend, because I still don't trust my judgement around food, no matter how much you want something, it doesn't necessarily happen the way you want!! Lets face it I am the size I am because I followed my feelings instead of my head!!

I am however still feeling positive and looking forward to the email with todays challenges

DAY 13 - The Second Six Kung Fu for Cravings and Emotional Eating (Five Minutes)

Today read the next five Kung Fu. Imagine putting each one into practice when a food craving or emotional eating attack strikes. If any of them speak to you and seem easy to put into practice, circle it.

Powerful Kung Fu #6: The Mosquito Flick

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!
2. Notice that an impractical food thought is on the scene and imagine flicking it away, the same way you would flick away an annoying mosquito.

Powerful Kung Fu #7: Notice that the Child Is on the Scene

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!
2. Tell yourself, "Oh, that's just the Child. No big deal. For a minute there, I thought I wanted to eat something, but it was just what the Child wanted. She wanted to distract me. Thank goodness it's just the Child and not me."

Powerful Kung Fu #8: See the Whole Picture of Food

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!
2. Remember the whole picture of food. The pleasure of eating a particular food is so short-lived! Imagine how bad you will feel if you overeat.
   
   

Powerful Kung Fu #9: Put Your Attention on Something Else

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!
2. Do or think about something else. Read a book. Talk to someone. Take a walk. Do a crossword puzzle. Finish the laundry. Drive somewhere. Turn on the television. Listen to music. Meditate. Focus on your senses. What are you feeling, seeing, smelling, or hearing? Almost any distraction will do. Make a list of noneating activities you find engaging and nurturing so that when a craving strikes, you're ready for it.
3. Don't give your attention to ego-based thoughts (especially negative ones), thoughts that are about "me" or "my story" or that start with "I," such as "I like, I want, I don't want, I hope, I don't like, I feel, I think, I believe, I can't, I won't, I'm not, I did..." This involvement with the "me" is what gave you the craving crazies in the first place.

Powerful Kung Fu #10: Get Engaged in What You're Doing

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!
2. Become engaged and focus completely on whatever you're doing now, whether it's work, running an errand, vacuuming, finishing a good book, or making a call. When you're really absorbed in something, you can go for hours without a single thought about food.
   
   
   When you read these kung fu's you think to yourself, they sound easy why dont i already do that, but the pull towards food for me is far too easy!! However knowing your weakness allows you to strengthen from within
   
   

Day 12 - The first 5 Kung fu's for cravings and emotional eating

The First Five Kung Fu for Cravings and Emotional Eating

So todays challenge is about Cravings and emotional eating which, is for me the main thing behind my eating

Here are the kung fu steps that laura suggests

Powerful Kung Fu #1: Dis-identify with the Feeling

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?" Wait for the answer.

3. When the answer comes, ask yourself, "What is noticing [the particular feeling you are feeling]?" Fill in the blank with whatever feeling is present. Let's say agitation is present. Ask yourself, "What is noticing agitation?" This question helps you dis-identify with the feeling.

Or

Say to yourself,"It's just [the particular feeling]. What a relief. It's not me. It couldn't be me because I'm over here, noticing it." It's such a huge relief to realize that the feeling is not you! Normally we merge with negative feelings and assume they're our feelings, but they belong to the ego, not to us--not to who we really are. When we identify with the feeling, we have little power or objectivity. But when we notice a feeling, we're outside of it, aligned with the Wise Witness. In my experience, this kung fu cuts the power of the feeling in half immediately.

Powerful Kung Fu #2: Allow the Feeling to Be There

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Drop your story about the feeling and simply allow it to be there. Notice the sensation. What does it feel like in your body? Allow the feeling to be there without any agenda for it to dissipate. Accepting it and allowing it to be present will enable it to eventually dissolve. Emotions don't come to stay; they come to leave. If you can learn to stop feeding them with more negative thoughts, they dissolve more quickly. The best internal posture is simply to be present and allow whatever is happening in the moment, without adding more negative thoughts to it. Ask yourself, "Can I just allow [the particular feeling] to be here?"

Powerful Kung Fu #3: Identify the Need

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Ask yourself, "What am I needing right now that is causing me to want some pleasure?"

3. If the answer is appreciation, comfort, or understanding, in your imagination, give yourself what you need--a hug or words of consolation or praise.

4. Alternatively, ask yourself, "Is there something else here that's whole and complete and doesn't need anything?" This will help you see the real you, the you that doesn't actually need what you may think you need.

Powerful Kung Fu #4: Is There Something I Need to Address?

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Ask yourself, "Is there something I need to address inside myself, with another person, or in my life?" Get curious about what that could be and be prepared for insights to arise. Then, take action to address any disharmonies or imbalances.

Powerful Kung Fu #5: Dis-identify with the Troublesome Food Thought

1. Notice that a craving is on the scene and get yourself the heck out of the kitchen!

2. Ask yourself, "What is it that is aware of the thought 'I want food right now'?"

3. Next, ask, "Is that thought or impulse to eat really me? If I am aware of it, how can it be me?" Once you realize that this thought is not you, you automatically dis-identify with it, and it loses its power.

   
   

   Currently I think all of these have a part in my life but i will start with 4 and 5, get the heck out the kitchen and blimey what are you doing!!

day 11 - The pleasure scale

again too sick to post but I am trying to get back on track, if you noticed earlier (maybe post 1) I said I eat rubbish food when i am sick with a sore throat so boom, I have a sore throat and yesterday i weakened and had some food to try and make me feel better,

today i am more controlled and better at resisting, still very poorly sick, but choosing small portions of Mcdonalds at lunch as husband was cooking and I needed food for my pills, and soup for dinner, no snacks in between - thats good!!

Here are a list of my "nines and tens - favourite things that I rate highly!!

My List of Nines or Tens

1. exercising (especially at the end of class)

2. Spending time with my husband and son

3. learning new things

4. spending time with my best friend Gilli

5. Seeing my parents smile!

6. Helping my son with a project and seeing his smiling face

7. Hiking in the hills beside my house

8. tucking into a cheeseburger and fries

9. eating a whole bag of salt and vinegar crisps with no one taking any!!

10. watching the food channel and finding new recipies

11. cooking

12. Entertaining, I love to make people happy

13. working as a nurse

14. OK - I admit it, cuddling in bed with husband and sleeping

15. singing my heart out in front of the mirror

16. Laughing

17. talking on the phone with my special friends in the UK

18. watching my son, enjoy his grandparents

19. relaxing in the garden (and soon in our hot tub)

    See lots of things there and not all of them involve food, but the most important ones are there and those are the ones i need to deal with and rid myself of the demon!!

Day 10 - seeing the whole food picture

So I have been too sick to post so i am actually doing this retroactively!

So day 10 was talking about the consequences of eating nutritious food!

Consequences of Eating Nutritious Food

Positive Consequences	Negative Consequences
Gives you more energy	I admit I dread "healthy food sometimes"
makes you feel good after you eat	sometimes I still feel hungry after
I set a good example for my son	I hate choosing healthy over french fries and burgers (yes I obsess)
healthier body
lighter and easier to exercise
hate to admit it but loose the taste for fast food if i dont have it

Wow this list does shock me, cant find many negatives except the ones that make me look greedy for fast food!!

This shows me there is no reason to eat unhealthily and that doesnt just mean eat salad the rest of my life!!

Day 9 - Wednesday (wise food choices)

So here we are on wednesday, wow, this week is flying passed.

So some noes from yesterday. I ended up having a few glasses of wine and whoosh - off went my willpower, so it looks like unless i can be more trustworthy, I have to skip the alcohol for a bit, I don't want to screw up my motivation just because of 3 glasses of wine!!

Today is baseball too, so I know they will all have treats to snack on, I am planning to eat dinner before go to reduce my temptation to eat - I usually can be trusted not to snack if i am not hungry!

I returned from my exercise class and had a lovely banana now headed to school and work.

This afternoon has been good we had guests over for coffee and I put out cookies, I however didnt eat any.

Heading to baseball in a bit and I will need all my strength to resist temptation!!

I seem to be a day ahead of Laura but this is my day 9 and she is email out day 8

so today for her challenge, I will examine

The Impact of Thoughts

Thoughts lead to feelings and feelings lead to actions. The way you think about food creates certain feelings and those feelings lead to eating. You can force off weight by going on a diet, but like pulling off the top of a weed, the pounds will come right back if you don't change your thinking.

Chips - especially salt and vinegar, make me want to crave the whole bag, so I need to not even have 1 -thats a disaster

A cheeseburger - from any place fills me with such excitement at the thought of it

French fries like Chips dangerous to have one, I can not resist

Salad - feels like a death sentence - usually once I start eating it I end up saying at the end of the meal - that was nice I should eat salad more often, I skip nuts and cheeses for a little fruit

Day 8 - Wise Food Choices

Laura Katleman-Prue talks often about "the Child within us" So I have been trying to tame the child within me who has been encouraging me to stray for 25 years to foods that are not necessarily good for me. I already know that certain foods have things in them that leave you yearning for more - take McDonald's for instance, I can go months without going in there but once I go in and eat something, I barely can drive past a big "M" sign without having palpitations often re routing to go and have some, the child within always has space for a McDonald's and if I don't get it when i want it I have a tantrum like a 2 year old, sulking and getting angry - which usually confuses the heck out of my husband who possibly just suggested somewhere else to eat!

So I haven't been to McDonald's since I started this challenge 8 days ago and the next journey for me through the "Skinny thinking" book is really to keep those feelings of eating unnecessarily at bay and now start to focus what I am eating. I am up to the "wise food choices step 2" tried to read it last night but was so tired I fell asleep so I hope to read it today. As many people know I lost weight with weight watchers a few years back which was great but it didn't really focus on making "healthy choices" you could eat all your points in "fast food" and some days I did so this mental redirection is really good for me.

No longer do I want to judge a party by the "food table" but for the company and friends present!

Didn't eat breakfast at the right time and then I got so hungry i ate too much and now my tummy is sore! I think I ate too big a portion!!

I am feeling focused and determined to make some positive changes

day 7 - Another Monday

Day 7 - Last day of journaling this stage!!

Time	Food Thought	Eating Trigger
0900	should eat breakfast	tummy rumbling
1230	salad lunch	tummy rumbling
1530	when is dinner - I am hungry	tummy rumbling a LOT (did not eat)
1700	dinner time	ate a nice dinner with my son

Wow today seems a little tough cause I seem to be hungry - this has not happened before, I havent even "missed" the snacking up till now, I had no body signs anyway!!

I chatted live with Laura on blog talk radio and she was wonderful in listening to me and reassuring me and for me to explain how her program is helping me!!

I am ignoring the rumblings with a nice glass of water and realise the tummy is just probably smelling the dinner I am preparing, a nice spaghetti Bolognese tonight, I have deliberately halfed the ground turkey so i can do taco's later in the week!!

So as I recap through the "skinny thinking" book at the end of "the first step"I look at the "to do list"

I can check of some off these,

I have learned to distinguish between the problematic thoughts that come from "the child within"

I have ignored the child within several times

I am beginning to see the whole picture of food rather than the "child" promise of taste and pleasure

I have explored kung fu steps for diversion

I am beginning to explore my soul and ways to distract me from being bored and eating

I still have a lot to learn, especially when I get upset as that still is when I am weakest!

I really feel committed to this journey and making positive changes in how I look and think about food!

day 6 Simmering Sunday

So only 2 days left journaling, how do you think I have been doing I feel I have been doing reasonably well i have been focusing and concentrating on what i am doing. I have had a few lapses but considering everything I don't think that is bad.

I realise being out the house helps so I have been fitting in extra exercise too to help keep me motivated!

Today has definitely been an easier day with me being so busy I just about managed to get my meals in but the difference is, usually when I stop and get home I binge on anything I can find, but I am not doing that. I carefully selected my dinner and now that I am full I am not snacking at all - nor have I done all day. Don't get me wrong, I have been thinking about food but I have been choosing to decline - even when offered an extra slice of pizza and a free cookie!! See there is some hope for me!

I even have my son checking in on me asking "what is the child within you wanting"

Yahoo, I survived the weekend with out splurging on food!!

day 5 The Tough Weekend

Oh here we are at the weekend, my most vulnerable time as this is when i tend to "let the child" out, with statements like - Oh I deserve a treat I have been working hard, Oh it's the weekend just 2 days wont hurt me!

This weekend I aim to be stronger, I have made a couple of poor choices due to pathetic will power this week but I want to be stronger this weekend and end this first week of challenge.

I also know that this is not an instant cure, it is taking me a lot to stop myself eating the whole time but I am trying to divert myself - as the book says I have to learn that 2 minutes of pleasure is just not worth the upset and trauma that I endure due to being unhappy with my weight!

I will, as always do my best to be honest, there is no point in lying the only person i am affecting is myself!!

Now I will run first before breakfast,

Time	Food Thought	Eating Trigger
0900	banana for breakfast heading to baseball	felt I should eat
1130	oh someone brought snacks	eat since someone brought them
1330	to counter act my snacking I have a very light lunch and walk home	was hungry
1530	want to snack thinking of what to eat - stop myself	bored
1730	dinner time - enjoy a small portion of sushi	tummy rumbling

Oh I get so disappointed in myself, I sat eating chips and guacamole during the baseball game because someone brought it, it was lovely but I felt so down on myself for doing that! I tried to make the rest of the day better by doing a lighter lunch and I walked home and a sensible dinner.

Again I know it is hard to change my habits but i will get there!! I just need to hang in there and try my hardest to make good choices as ultimately they will give me the more positive results of healthier eating

Day 4

I am really beginning to notice my issues and being at home seems the main thing, if I am kept busy I have no problem controlling what I eat, I am concentrating on exercise and nutritious meals and mostly I am LISTENING to my body. It is hardly likely I have cracked it, but for now i am going one day at a time, trying not to blow it by letting the child from within allow me to go for the bad foods!!

I will do my best to be honest, there is no point in lying the only person i am affecting is myself!!

Time	Food Thought	Eating Trigger
0715	better have breakfast	tummy rumbling and long day ahead
1300	hungry for lunch (ate a salad)	tummy rumbling
2030	delayed dinner due to commitments	was VERY hungry
2130	bored wanted to eat	at skittles - bad choice

So towards the evening is my most vulnerable time, I am trying but I gave in and had a few skittles last night, I know as I get more into this I will get better, I just need to stay focused and realised I need to concentrate at the moment or I will give in. Now off fro a run and then day 1 of push up and sit up challenge!

Day 3 Food journaling and realisation

So the next 5 days will follow the same format as yesterday, I will highlight in red when I feel I made a poor choice!

I will do my best to be honest, there is no point in lying the only person i am affecting is myself!!

Time	Food Thought	Eating Trigger
0830	better eat breakfast EW omlette with yellow peppers	not hungry but going out on a hike
1200	banana on run/hike
1330	another banana good choices
1530	FElt tired and hungry ate 1oz of salt and vinegar crisps	this was a poor choice but I stopped eating
16.30	as I missed lunch I had a 1/4 pita and humous
1800	Having dinner early and aiming not to eat later	this is a good choice, I was hungry - tummy rumbling
2100	feeling bored, reaching for sugary snacks	these are bad choices but I limited my intake

I am really beginning to get this issue and understand hat I am trying to achieve, I really want this to change behavior, I now have received the skinny thinking book and reading it along side the challenge to I really am thinking hard about my choices trying not to fall down the same holes!!

Day 2 - 7 Skinny thinking

Here, in Days 2 you will be taking your First Step: Wise Thinking

Food Awareness Journal (Five Minutes)

Time	Food Thought	Eating Trigger
0830	I should eat breakfast	tummy rumbling
0855	looking at grabbing a cracker (resisted)	boredom while omlette cooking
0945	I should grab a snack (resisted)	feeling tired
1020	keep looking at bags of crisps (resisting)	getting bored
1250	Not hungry but school pick up soon	Made a healthy choice salad
1251	making a note to myself that too much salad stuff gets thrown out as I vear towards the unhealthy stuff every meal time
1400	making health choices to resist snacks offered
1730	Dinner shared a weezies burger and fries (slider size burger)	feel it is dinner time not really hungry!!
2100	feeling the urge to eat but not hungry (resisting and will not eat)	feeling alone and bored

What today has taught me is that i think about food a lot more than I realize, the fact that I was making breakfast and thinking about other food is kind of scary, I also realize this is a habit so it is not about to disappear instantly it takes a while to "unlearn my behavior" but being aware is a great step. Also I ate dinner even though i was not hungry but felt it was dinner time, i am not sure if that was a correct choice but I will read laura's book for more info on that one!!

Over all I think today was a good day with good choices made, I need to continue with this path please!!

DAY 1 - Five Minute Freedom Exercise

I am going to try and follow the 91 day challenge set by Laura Katleman-Prue

and the "skinny thinking challenge, on this blog I will document my daily progress!

I think there is no harm in trying

May 11th 2010

the challenge today:-Close your eyes and get in touch with the impact of food and weight issues in your life. What have they cost you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? How have they impacted your relationship with yourself and others? Have they kept you from following your heart and going after what you've wanted? Write down any insight.

My weight issues have impacted me greatly since I was in my early 20's and since then I have been controlled by my yoyo dieting and despite over 3 years at an ideal weight I am again captive in my body due to my weakness and need for food at a time when I feel lost, bored and lonely.

When I am at my ideal weight i feel proud and confident and dress well and with style, when i am heavy I feel depressed, ashamed and shut out loved ones due to the fact I am ashamed of myself, I seek comfort in food when i feel ill, tired, lonely or troubled

Now imagine how your life would be if you felt free and relaxed around food. Imagine that it no longer absorbed your mental energy. You no longer feel powerless or afraid, but aligned, balanced, centered, and confident. How would you live? How would you treat yourself and others? Imagine all of the energy that you used to devote to worrying and thinking about food flowing into creative and fulfilling endeavors in your life. How does your body feel? Notice any emotions or sensations that arise. Use this exercise as often as you can, even once a day, to support the permanent change you're making in your relationship to food. Record any insights.

I believe I would feel freer - less stressed/obsessed about meal times, where I am eating, less moody too